the divide


They divide right action and wrong action. But how do we know what to do and when to do it? And how do we make choices between what we want to do and what we think is “right” when they conflict? The question is complex the answer more delicate. 

Listen to you gut. Trust it. Don’t do what you know on a gut level to be the “wrong” thing to do. Don't flight from a fight when you know you are right. Don't surrender to circumstance because it seems easier then doing the hard thing. Don't pretend to not see the consequences of your present moment choices because you are in a moment of passion. Don’t seek joy at all costs. I know this doesn't sound sexy but you wound yourself when you wound another.

So listen to your stomach, your soul lives there.

I know it’s hard to know what to do when you have a conflicting set of emotions and desires, but it’s not as hard as we pretend it is. Do you really believe that you don't  know what the right thing to do is when you find yourself in a bind? Because I can honestly say I have always known what the "wrong" thing to do was. Saying it’s hard is ultimately a justification to do whatever seems like the easiest thing to do or to do the thing that we really want to do but know isn't "right". Maybe you aren't ready to be that honest but I am.

Because saying it's hard is how we try to bypass feeling like an asshole for having the affair, staying at that horrible job, ending a friendship over a slight, or loving someone who treats us terribly. We know that if we have the impulse to cheat maybe our relationship isn't what we really deeply desire. We know that if we are suffering through our work, we are the ones that know we feel this way because we only got the job to take the next step in the life path someone else had written out for us... or maybe we got the job because at one time it was what we wanted and now we are afraid to walk away. We know that ending a friendship over a minor wound is immature and yet we know that we are walking away from someones affection to align with the protection of our ego. We know that loving someone who treats us like shit needs to hit the road... and yet we have all stayed in a relationship past the expiry date.

We all know when we are doing a dumbass thing. Each and every time. When I think back on every done a down right dumbass thing I have done... I have known it was the "wrong" thing to do and yet... I still cheated, I still stayed at the job that was sabotaging my mental health, I still ended the friendship because talking it out seemed too tedious, and I stayed in relationship where I was being deeply devalued due to desirous daydreaming.

But yet, even when I justified it to myself (as I did every damn time) the truest part of me knew I was doing the wrong thing. But I didn’t want to trust what I heard. I didn't want to listen to my gut. But always listen. Always.

Start today. Start now. Don't be complacent and believe that this will come with age. It doesn't. It comes with getting comfortable with discomfort. So learn how to better trust my gut. Learn how to not do the “wrong” thing, if there is such thing. Maybe it shouldn't be called the "wrong" thing maybe it simply should be called the thing we know in our gut to be not true. The thing we want to do that is disconnected from our body... from our embodiment. Because being embodied, doing the thing we know to be most true in our hearts and stomach... is most often the harder thing. I can’t think of a time it hasn’t been the harder thing.

Right and wrong - easy. But life doesn’t happen within right and wrong... life happens within you.

love aj (and her dumbass parts too).

 
Ailey JolieComment